We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
