Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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