Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
