Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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