all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
