i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i love accidental penises.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
