Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
