I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we're making bets on your personal life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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