he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
