dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
