I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
