Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
