She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
