took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
