"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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