the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
