We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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