How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize