There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
