Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
