Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
