plz talk dirty to me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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