i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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