I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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