Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize