i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
