So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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