I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
