Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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