i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
