he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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