beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
