So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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