I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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