guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
