What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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