Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
