Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
