He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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