you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i believe in u and ur pee
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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