Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
