well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
