I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
