She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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