I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
