Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
