Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
