I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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