would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i will never coherently bang her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
