it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
