would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
