I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This baby is an asshole
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
