Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
