i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
