My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
