My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The feeling are messing with the penis
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
