he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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