I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
