I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
