so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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