five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
