At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
