omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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