a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
