just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
