Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
