she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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