1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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