plz talk dirty to me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
