I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
