I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you never un-have a 4some
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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